Reading Room

Are you feeling betrayed?

Have you been denied a promotion that you feel you deserved? Has someone you were depending on let you down? Life can be like that sometimes. Though you are hurting, please don’t give up on yourself, or on other people.

Because of your experiences, now you will be able to identify some of the signs of possible betrayal as you move forward. There are circumstances that can prevent others from following through on promises they have made, yet they lack the courage to inform you.

Placing all our hopes and dreams in the integrity of someone else often leads to disappointment, but there are things YOU can do yourself to maintain your progress toward your dreams, even when others may fall down on the job.

Next time:

  • Get professional promises in writing.
  • Make sure to check in regularly to ensure that expectations can be met in a timely way.
  • Look for signs throughout your daily interactions that your associates may be cutting corners, mincing words, or procrastinating.

It’s their loss!

Keep your head up – and keep developing your skills and assets, so that when other opportunities arrive (and they will), or when other relationships seek you out, you will be more discerning about someone’s ability to follow through.
Success in life is determined by the way we evolve from life’s disappointments. Let this one be a valuable life lesson that will add to your wisdom chest and motivate you even more.

You are your greatest asset!

Lying somewhere deep inside of you are all the answers to the questions you have been pondering. Beneath the layers of distractions from work, caring for family, or from just feeling stuck, are the gifts, skills and abilities to accomplish what your heart desires.

You can do this! You can find creative ways to manage your time, to find the resources, and to muster up the energy to make your dreams come true. Right now, you have enough health, strength and determination to push through where you are to get to where you want to be.

  • Start by setting one achievable goal at a time.
  • Let your friends and family know that you are reinvesting in yourself.
  • Face your fears and reflect on all the times that you have not allowed fear to defeat you.
  • Read a book about someone who became successful after overcoming the odds.
  • Make a list of the responsibilities you can eliminate or designate to someone else.
  • Spend a few minutes each day seeing the self you desire to be.

No one knows you better than you! Take a good look at yourself and believe in the beauty, charm, wit, intellect, and power that you see. You are worth the risk! You are your greatest asset!

You Can Find Joy Again!

There is something to be said about the joy of the mundane. What can best help us discover or rediscover a simple joy is a change of attitude. A different approach, a little music, or some help from friends, and the tasks or responsibilities that we perceive as tedious can become a source of pleasure.

Most of us tend to put off what it is that we don’t want to do. Yet, one of the best approaches to an unpleasant task or dull chore is to dive right in and be fully mindful of what it is that you are doing.

Playing your favorite music, dancing while you work, or creating a mental list of everything you are grateful for are just a few ways to turn an unexciting activity into a fun event. Ask a friend to help you clean out the basement or paint a room; provide some yummy snacks as an incentive.

Look for joy in doing your mundane activities, and they’ll become a source of enjoyment rather than a tolerable duty. Your joy is your job. You can claim it!

Two older smiling white women on a smal tan couch enjoying each other's company. The woman on the right is knitting and has her legs crossed. She has glasses and a short bob haircut and is wearing a blue and white shirt and tan pants. The woman on the left has a beautiful spray of short white hair and is somewhat older than the other woman. She is wearing a blue cardigan and tan pants. Behind them is a large picture window overlooking a sparkling lake. There is a tree on the grassy banks with leaves that have turned red for autumn. In the background across the lake there are low mountains and a partly cloudy sky.

Do You Have Fear of the Future?

What do you fear most, when a relationship ends?

Fear of the future is often closely intermingled with the worry that growing into your own potential will both change you irrevocably and force you to face situations for which you aren’t ready. These thoughts can paralyze you, preventing you from living in the moment and from working toward your goals in a mindful manner.

It might comfort you to know that these feelings are normal – and there are things you can do to reduce or eliminate those feelings. YES, it is normal to unconsciously project ahead into the future and see a great weight bearing down on you; focusing on outcomes rather than the steps necessary to reach those conclusions.

The key to conquering this fear lies in awareness. When you can identify the irrational thoughts that frighten you, you can replace them with logical, self-affirming ideas.

Should fear of the future strike you as you strive to let go of the past, to create, excel, and evolve, remember that fear is often based on a false assumption.

If you are finding it difficult to face the future, stop thinking about what might be and practice present moment living. Working with a coach can help you to:

  • Believe in the rightness and appropriateness of each moment.
  • Release burdens and cares.
  • Give yourself permission to enjoy life despite unsolved problems.
  • Trust your ability to manage life as it unfolds.

Are You Feeling Lost?

At this time in human history, we are all venturing into uncharted territory, whether we know it or not. Not knowing exactly where we are, we find ourselves unsure of which way to go, and eventually the uneasy feeling that we are lost presents itself.

Grief compounds this uncertainty. When someone we love dies, or when we have experienced another kind of deep loss (of our health, or of a relationship, for example), we must allow ourselves to grieve and mourn with purpose. Grief has no expiration date! But we can support ourselves through the process by affirming that we don’t need to know exactly where we are going in order to take our first steps.

Each of us grieves differently. We learn to find our own way, rather than following an established path. In doing so, we learn to trust that we will be guided and supported on our journey as we seek to find new and meaningful ways to live with purpose.

Feelings denied, repressed, or ignored can affect every aspect of your life. Unrecognized feelings can have a devastating effect on your relationships with others, as well as your personal integrity and serenity.

There is no need to pretend. Pretending isolates the real you from those who can help you. You do not have to journey alone. And know that, by reading this today, you’ve already taken the first step to discovering more ways to connect or reconnect with others who share your values and interests.

Do You Need Help Setting Healthy Boundaries?

Healthy boundaries enable healthy attachments to others.

Maintaining healthy boundaries is a matter of recognizing the point at which our principles and those of our loved ones and peers no longer overlap. The barriers that exist between us are a reminder that our paths in life will be unique, and we must each accept that “I” and “we” can coexist peacefully.

Our reactions, our likes and dislikes, our loves, our goals, and our dreams may or may not align with those of others, but we should neither ask others to embrace what we hold dear. Nor should we feel compelled to embrace what they hold dear.

When we assume that our standards are the same as those of the people close to us without first examining our own intentions, we do ourselves a disservice.

Naturally, we want to be liked, accepted, and admired. It often seems that the easiest way to win approval is to deny what is most important to us to please others. As you learn to define yourself as an emotionally and intellectually distinct individual, you will grow to appreciate your autonomy.

Maintaining healthy boundaries allows us to better accept the truth that all relationships are not long term. The healthy boundaries that tell you where you end and the people around you begin will give you the freedom to pursue your development apart from those whose approval you might otherwise be tempted to seek out.

Here are some questions to ask yourself to ensure that you have not given too much of yourself away:

  • Do you look for happiness outside of yourself?
  • Do you accept every atrocity with a smile and pretend that all is well when it is not?
  • Do you find it difficult to hold people accountable for their behavior?
  • Do you allow yourself to become obsessed with thoughts about what others do or how they feel?
  • Do you repeat the same unhealthy relationship patterns?

If you answered yes to three or more questions, you might benefit from Compassionate Coaching. We are here to help.

Dealing with Sadness

Sadness is an inevitable part of being human. No matter how much we desire it, life will not settle down and become comprehensible in the ways that we crave.

Life only allows for process, not certitude. When you accept that you still have more hardships or challenges to face, your next challenge or hardship need not be accompanied by sadness.

Tomorrow we could lose a parent or a child. Losing a loved one can cause deep sadness and anxiety. On most occasions we can bounce back with time and self-care. However, when sadness begins to eat away at your motivation and purpose, coaching can help you set a clear path for healing.

You can take personal responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and efforts. You can decide what will make you feel righteous and happy, You can aim yourself in a brilliant direction: in the direction of your own creation, and sadness can be replaced with contentment.

Incorporating exercise, good nutrition, and sleep into your daily routine are practical ways to overcome sadness. Professional support can help you remain accountable as you strive to achieve your goals.

Chest-up, sideview of a 20-something Asian man with a depressed demeanor sitting on a brown leather couch. He has black hair and wears a black mock turtleneck shirt. He is resting his neck on the top edge of the couch. There is a white-shaded lamp beside him giving off a dim yellowish light.