Healthy boundaries enable healthy attachments to others.
Maintaining healthy boundaries is a matter of recognizing the point at which our principles and those of our loved ones and peers no longer overlap. The barriers that exist between us are a reminder that our paths in life will be unique, and we must each accept that “I” and “we” can coexist peacefully.
Our reactions, our likes and dislikes, our loves, our goals, and our dreams may or may not align with those of others, but we should neither ask others to embrace what we hold dear. Nor should we feel compelled to embrace what they hold dear.
When we assume that our standards are the same as those of the people close to us without first examining our own intentions, we do ourselves a disservice.
Naturally, we want to be liked, accepted, and admired. It often seems that the easiest way to win approval is to deny what is most important to us to please others. As you learn to define yourself as an emotionally and intellectually distinct individual, you will grow to appreciate your autonomy.
Maintaining healthy boundaries allows us to better accept the truth that all relationships are not long term. The healthy boundaries that tell you where you end and the people around you begin will give you the freedom to pursue your development apart from those whose approval you might otherwise be tempted to seek out.
Here are some questions to ask yourself to ensure that you have not given too much of yourself away:
- Do you look for happiness outside of yourself?
- Do you accept every atrocity with a smile and pretend that all is well when it is not?
- Do you find it difficult to hold people accountable for their behavior?
- Do you allow yourself to become obsessed with thoughts about what others do or how they feel?
- Do you repeat the same unhealthy relationship patterns?
If you answered yes to three or more questions, you might benefit from Compassionate Coaching. We are here to help.